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This site is infrequently updated. In the mean time, I am writing bi-weekly about life & stuff & things via newsletter.
a girl lives in brooklyn
After recently having a birthday. And being single and over 30. Sometimes I have the passing thought of “what am i doing with my life?”. And “I never thought my life would be like this.” I don’t have these thoughts often. And thankfully I no longer get wrapped up in them like I did when severely depressed. But they still pop up every now and again.
One way to talk yourself out of these self-deprecating thoughts is to turn it around. Instead of thinking about what you haven’t accomplished that you thought you would, think about what you have done that you never thought you could.
As a child I probably thought I’d be married by now. As a child I also thought 30 was “old age”. And also as a child, I never thought I would be running half marathons. I never thought I would see the Northern Lights. I never thought I would live in NYC.
There are plenty of things that I never thought I would, could, or wanted to do in my life. Yet I am here doing them.
Running is the top thing I never thought I would do. And I mean that. I had actual thoughts saying “I will never run for fun. I hate running. Why do people run?” (Okay, I still have these thoughts).
In school, I hated gym class. I wasn’t out of shape or overweight. I just hated gym class, physical activity, running, sports, teams, competition, etc. I wasn’t very good at it and didn’t care either way. I didn’t participate in any sports through school.
Above all, I hated running. Part of the New York State physical fitness test is to have every student run a mile. During the yearly mile run, I would be in the back, walking it, with the other gym class outcasts. I wouldn’t even attempt to run it. I wouldn’t even start out jogging. We were just walking and chatting. Didn’t care.
I started running for health in college. Even now I still don’t enjoy it. But I do it. It keeps me healthy. Running is absolutely something I never thought I would do. I never thought I could be capable of running any distance. Let alone a half marathon. Let alone that would turn into a hobby.
So sure, I haven’t yet done a lot of things I thought I would do by the time I was 30. But I’ve had the self-discipline to start and continue running. To challenge myself many times. To stay fit & healthy. To stay motivated and ambitious.
Besides, what did 18-year old me know about anything anyway?